at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
