am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
