JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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