She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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