i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
