hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
