I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
