I hate your face
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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