So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
