we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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