did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize