And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
