I wish I only lived at night.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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