It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
