WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
