THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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