something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
