Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
