just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
