I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
