I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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