i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
