I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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