I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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