just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
