I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
