Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
