You work out of a Hotel?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
