I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
