She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
