Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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