he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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