Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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