I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
