Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
