i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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