I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
