I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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