Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
