Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize