I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's never too late to be topless.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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