your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
