my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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