He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
His nipple licking is glorious
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