We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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