I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
