Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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