Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
