Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
