Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
