i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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