have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
