so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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