I am puke
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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