I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
