I faked an abortion last night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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