why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
