If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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