He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
