Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need water and some morals
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
