don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
