Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
