i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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